Maya Khamala is a Montreal-based poet, (copy)writer, editor, and fire-starter interested in all things erotic. She has been a writer at Karma Tantric magazine for some time, exploring some fascinating and informative topics. Connect with her on social channels for more information. | Read More
Sex is a many-splendoured thing: this is no understatement. And perhaps the best part about it is that there is truly always new territory to explore. No matter how crazy or creative you are in the bedroom, there’s probably something you’ve wondered about but have yet to try. For many, this uncharted territory includes the wild and wonderful world of anal play.
For those of you who have yet to delve into the world of anal fun, you may have been missing out on something very fun and certainly very pleasurable. For women new to this, the mention of anal often automatically raises ideas of uncomfortable pain and fear. For straight men, it can be associated with homosexuality or emasculation.
Well the good news is that all of these assumptions are not correct. Sexual acts involving the anus do not need to be painful in any way at all if practiced correctly. This of course requires trust with your partner and also making sure you are doing it correctly. Let’s start by looking into what exactly anal play is..
What is anal play?
While newbies often think of anal play as sticking stuff up one’s bum, exploring anal can look and feel a whole lot more diverse. Whether it’s rimming, fingering, prostate massage or penetration, anal play can be a life-changing addition to your sex life. Best of all, everyone’s got a bum, which means you can both give and receive if you and your partner are both willing. You can even explore solo – which is a great, low-pressure way to start experimenting, especially if it’s first-time anal play.
A rim job (aka. rimming) is when the giver kisses, licks, sucks, and otherwise stimulates the receiver’s anus with their lips and tongue. Since the mouth is warm and moist, the receiver feels sensations that are extremely pleasurable. For those taking things a step further, some even like to penetrate their partner with their tongue.
Anal fingering can be divine, but it’s very important to use a generous amount of lube. Fingering typically involves gently massaging the outside of the entrance to the anus with one’s fingers before very slowly inserting one finger inside just a little bit, as it can be very tight at first. Gradually, the giver can go deeper, or insert a second finger.
Anal penetration (beyond fingering or tonguing) usually involves the anal insertion of a butt plug, dildo, vibrator, strap-on, or penis. Some even graduate to experimenting with anal fisting, but there is no rush for any of this! Inserting a small sex toy or butt plug while having oral or vaginal sex is a great way to work up to experimenting with full-on penetrative anal play.
Is anal play enjoyable?
Many people don’t realize that the anus is full of ultra-sensitive nerve endings, some of which are connected to the genitals. And, since everybody’s got an anus, the reality is that she loves anal play just as much as he does – if not more! In fact, anal can even be a girl’s preference, as many women simply experience more pleasure this way. Our research shows that straight guys also love anal play (stigma be damned) and can get a lot out of being on the receiving end.
Of course, anal play is ultimately an acquired taste and it may not be your thing. Remember, there is no shame in trying it out and deciding you don’t like it. Whatever you do, it’s always best to be well-informed. Anal play offers its devotees the following benefits:
A 2010 study found that of the 31% of women surveyed who’d had anal sex during a recent sexual encounter, 94% had climaxed. For women, anal play can indirectly stimulate both the G-spot and the lesser-known A-spot (which sits between the cervix and the bladder), both of which are found along the vaginal wall. The result: full-body orgasms, and possibly even squirting, aka. female ejaculation. But make no mistake: men too can have intense, full-body orgasms via anal play, as the right type of anal stimulation can stimulate the prostate (or P-spot), which can, in turn, lead to unadulterated bliss.
The “taboo” turn-on
Although anal play is a lot more commonplace than it once was, depending on the circles you run in it may still be treated as just taboo enough to add a certain taboo factor, which (depending on how you’re wired) can itself be a turn-on. If the thought of doing something naughty or forbidden that’s seen as “indecent” makes you wet or hard (as the case may be), all the more reason to explore. Of course, there’s nothing indecent about anal play, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get off on the fantasy.
While intimacy may not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think of anal play, with the right partner, it doesn’t get much more intimate than anal – we’re talking about pretty tight quarters, after all! Because a lot of time is spent trying out different positions and angles and positions and depths, strong communication is key to a mutually positive experience – and it also happens to bring you closer together.
Step-by-step guide to anal play
As with any sexual act, anal should be creative, fun, and exciting – there are no anal play instructions. But, if you’re new to it, consider following these 7 steps and techniques for how to do anal play right. Think of this as your anal play tutorial for butt bliss
1. Lots of lube (LOL)
First things first: preparing for anal play is just as important as the act itself. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate, so it’s extremely important that you use an ample amount of lube, whether you’re fingering, inserting a toy, or having penetrative sex. Without lube, it will be painful as well as dangerous, as the receiver’s skin can tear and increase the risks of STIs and infections. Opt for silicone or water-based lube for safe use with condoms and toys.
2. Foreplay is non-negotiable
This is true of all sexual activity, but especially of anal play: don’t skip the warm-up. The giver should take their time tickling, licking, kissing, and otherwise stimulating other parts of the body before getting to the main action. Not rushing is very important, as is the relaxation of both partners. If you’re the giver, consider massaging your partner’s bum, and slowly working your way to the area around the anus before you touch it at all.
3. Deep breathing
If the receiver’s anus seems too tight or it’s painful to insert anything, simple breathing techniques can make all the difference. Holding your breath during anal play is certainly not going to be benificial. It’s relaxation rather than ‘stretching’ that helps open up the anus and rectum. Start by inhaling for 2 seconds and exhaling for 4, and repeat. As you relax more, extend this gradually to a 4-8 count. The important thing is longer exhalations. The giver can also try this, after all, it’s easier for the receiver to relax when the giver is relaxed, and breathing in sync can be very sexy.
4. Tongue in cheek
The tongue is certainly one of the greatest players when it comes to starting anal play. With it, one can truly work wonders on the entire perianal area – along with many other erogenous zones. The giver might use the tip of their tongue to tease the receiver’s bum cheeks before working their way in. If you’re the giver, swirl your tongue around in a circular motion, tickling your partner’s anus for a few moments before pushing the tip into the opening. You might then dart it in and out. Your efforts to please will not go unnoticed.
5. Flirty fingering
While there are many movements you can explore with the fingers to maximise your partner’s pleasure, there are several tried and tested ones worth trying, especially for first-time anal play. Slowly insert your finger into the anus and then curl it upward, moving it back and forth in what’s known as the “come hither” motion. In men, this is a great way to find and stimulate the prostate. In women, you might try rubbing the pad of your finger in a circular motion along the A-spot. Slowly go deeper, and if your partner wants, insert a second finger. Play with pressure and speed, always responding to your partner’s cues.
6. Seeking that sweet spot
If and when it’s time to insert a dildo, a strap-on or a penis, be sure it’s covered in lube and go very slowly. Household items for anal play also work if you want a toy but don’t have one: try a cucumber in a condom. Regardless of what you use, if you’re the giver, playing with depth and pressure can help you both find that delicious sweet spot. Should you decide to insert a vibrator, try out different settings to find what works best. No two bums are alike! Generally speaking, it works to up the speed, pressure, or vibration as the receiver approaches climax, but always go slow and gentle unless your partner indicates they want more.
7. Simultaneous stimulation
While you may be trying for an anal orgasm, don’t be overly attached to your goal, as it would be a crime to neglect all the other sensitive hot spots. After all, when it comes to anal play, the combo orgasm is so often king (or queen). For a next-level combo orgasm, try one or more of the following during anal play:
- Use a vibrator for added clitoral stimulation
- Insert a dildo in the vagina for an insane double penetration experience
- Stroke the penis in a hand job motion
- Lick, stroke, or otherwise stimulate erogenous zones like the breasts, thighs, perineum, or scrotum
Bonus tip: some sex toys can both penetrate the vagina and stimulate the perineum or clitoris during anal. This combo could be explosive.
Best positions for anal play
There are endless positions to explore when it comes to anal play. You can have a look at the Kamasutra for inspiration – or, try these optimal positions for starters.
For this one, the receiver should lie face down with their arms resting on their back and their legs slightly apart. The giver should sit beside them in the best spot to gently and comfortably tongue, finger, or penetrate their anus.
The receiver gets down on all fours while the giver kneels or stands behind them in an optimal position to gently play with their anus, or insert a toy, a strap-on, or a penis.
The receiver lies down on their side, raising their outer leg in toward their chest, while the giver sits or lies behind them at just the right angle to reach their anus for finger play, oral pleasure, or anal sex.
Tips to boost your enjoyment
While pop culture and mainstream porn sometimes make it look like preparing for anal play isn’t necessary and that it happens on the fly without a ton of lube, the reality is that in order to enjoy it (which is the whole point), you should heed the following tips:
How to clean before anal play is a question that plagues many a beginner. The possibility of poop is a reality of anal, but most people mitigate the mess by simply pooping and showering beforehand. If you want things extra clean, you can use an enema to cleanse the lower rectum.
Although pregnancy isn’t a risk with anal play, it is still possible to transmit STIs and bacterial infections. To avoid the former, always wear a condom, and to avoid the latter,never go from anus to vagina (with fingers, toys, or penis) without first washing up and changing the condom. Also, trim your nails to avoid cutting or scratching your partner.
Mutual consent is at the heart of sex advice in general and anal play advice in particular. Anal play should never be a surprise, so be sure to discuss it beforehand, and check-in with your partner regularly throughout your session.
Consider Using An Anal Specialist
Anal play may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but where there’s a will, an intense full-body orgasm may follow. At the very least, you’ll find new avenues to pleasure and self-knowledge. Particularly for straight men, receiving anal pleasure can at first be daunting, but if you’re willing to take the first step to unlock your hidden pleasure, consider hiring a trained prostate massage specialist here at Karma Tantric. We’d be delighted to help you discover the pleasures of anal play.