Over the years of sexual counselling, I have helped many people suffering from IBD (inflammatory bowel disease) such as Crohn’s and Ulcerative Colitis to improve not only their sex lives, but also their general wellbeing through tantra.
I’ve found that through tantra, especially through the breathing and relaxing yoga elements in the practice, my clients have managed to gain more control of their bodies and improve their self-confidence, performance and outlook in the bedroom.
If you’re someone struggling with IBD and it’s affecting you with regards to intimacy, I’m going to explain what tantra is and share with you some practical tantra tips on how to take back your sex life. So let’s get into it and see how this can be achieved..
What Causes IBD?
Inflammatory bowel disease like crohn’s and ulcerative colitis can be an extremely painful and debilitating condition that can, in many cases, completely destroy lives. The need to constantly rush to the toilet without any notice and the intense lack of energy to even just get out of bed can truly damage one’s zest for life let alone one’s sex drive.
Although there is no proven medical cause of IBD, the general consensus is that stress plays an enormous factor especially when it comes to relapse. We’ve all seen it in animals when they become stressed, sad or upset they can lose control of their bowels. So, many of the techniques outlined in this article will aim to manage stress and promote relaxation as much as possible.
A Brief Intro To Tantra
Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice that has roots in both Hindu India as well as Bhuddist Tibet dating back to 300 BC. And although it has evolved tremendously over the centuries into other practices such as tantric sex and tantric massage, to this day the core essence remains the same. Tantra is the interweaving of energies in order to create spiritual or sexual balance between two people. The main aim is to connect with your partner on a positively deep and spiritual level which is usually achieved through meditation, breathing techniques, yoga and sexual activity.
How Can Tantric Techniques Help With IBD?
So what has any of this got to do with managing IBD? Tantra and associated tantric techniques are all about attaining a state of pure bliss with your partner, by balancing the physical and emotional energies between you. Therefore, for someone in the middle of a painful flare-up, the idea of controlling and relaxing the body using tantric tools, can really be the route to enjoying sexual intimacy. This can be done by:
Tantra teachings start with awareness of the body. Being able to have a deep connection with your body (especially the lower portions of your body) will mean that you can attain a level of control over your bowels during lovemaking.
Relaxing The Mind & Body
Learning to release your mind of life’s stresses allows you to also relax the body. Through carrying out breathing exercises aimed at the gut, this will open up your whole body and allow yourself to be opened up to the gentle arousing touches of your partner.
Because tantra promotes open lines of sexual and spiritual communication with your partner, it allows for a safe environment when lovemaking. This allows you to “let go” and become more confident in yourself, taking you to sexual places never explored.
How To Use Tantra For IBD Issues
Tantra is a huge subject, too big to cover everything in this article, however, I will aim to take the most important aspects which are likely to be most relevant to you and share some very useful tips which you can practice in the bedroom.
Choose The Right Time Of Day
If you suffer from ulcerative colitis or crohn’s disease and are in the middle of a bad flare-up, mornings are probably not the best time for you as this is when your digestive system is beginning its work. Therefore picking the right time of day to start getting intimate is important.
Try to understand the triggers and patterns of your bowel movements, whether spicy food sets you off or whether the end of the day is the most relaxing. Try to empty your bowels before the session and empty your stoma or pouch, if you have one. Be mindful of your own “IBD timetable” and try to plan around that.
Find The Perfect Space
If possible try to experiment with alternative settings other than the bed. You may have had some bad experiences during difficult IBD episodes so trying somewhere different can help you frame a new perspective. You could start by setting up a comfortable area with cushions on the floor or sofa – you could even just sit in front of each other instead of laying down, as long as you both are comfortable and relaxed.
Set The Mood
Set a relaxing ambience by dimming the lights and playing chilled music. Turn off your mobile phones and try to make sure the room is a good temperature. The aim is to make the environment as zen as possible with soothing vibes and a comforting energy, free from distractions. Perhaps light an aromatic candle to further flutter the senses.
Start With A Breathing Exercise
You may or may not have already realised, but deep breathing can provide tremendous temporary relief to your IBD symptoms and is the perfect way to prepare yourself for an intimate session with your partner. Start by vigorously and slowly breathing in together and from the belly – deeply inhale and exhale 27 times. Try to keep the rhythm of your breathing in sync with your partner. It’s important that upon breathing out you push the belly fully out with your pelvic floor lifting up. This will allow the blood to flow into your gut and your intimate lower areas, providing you with much needed relief before you get intimate.
Loosen Up Your Body
Now start by stretching out the body, allowing your muscles to loosen up and completely relax. This will soften the nervous system and promote a feeling of relaxation all over the body – any muscle blockages you may have should now subside. Now you should be in a state ready to connect with your partner.
Look Into Each Other’s Eyes
Eye-gazing is a great way to start building a connection with your partner. Begin by looking straight into each other’s eyes without looking away. Try to connect on a deeper level almost looking straight into their soul. You will be surprised how hard it is to hold focus when doing this but push through and it will suddenly become a beautiful connection between you and your partner.
Experiment With Mindful Touching
Begin to slowly and gently caress one another. Start by holding hands and then run your fingers across the arms and other parts of the body to draw energy into the body and awaken the nerves. Excite and tease each other by gently brushing your fingers near the genitals and/or breasts without actually touching directly. This will heighten the excitement before slowly building up the intimacy. Be mindful of each other’s touches and try to keep your breathing in sync.
Be Aware Of Your Body And Adapt
Awareness of your body is key here so understand that it’s completely normal and fine if you start to feel any sort of discomfort brewing during this time. If you need to change the way that you’re lying or use pillows to ease any discomfort, go for it. Use lube if your vigina is dry and try to avoid anal sex especially if this area is affected by your condition. It’s important to be able to adapt to any changes in your feelings. Remember that deep breathing can provide a welcomed relief in many cases. If you really need to rush to the loo then tell your partner and then try to pick up where you left off – sometimes humour can often help lighten the mood!
Communicate The Waves Of Enjoyment
As you both get into the waves of pleasure and arousal levels heighten, consider using a numbering system to communicate how close to orgasm you both are – 10 being climax. If you can keep each other at 8s and 9s for as long as possible, then this allows you to ride the waves of orgasm without necessarily orgasming straight away.
When it comes to the point of climax, try to synchronise your pleasure levels to ensure that your arousal peaks at the same time. Try to let your body and mind be free during climax, allowing any vocal and physical expressions to takeover. It’s also important to remember that climax and even sex is not the number one goal here and merely a bonus. The most important aspect of tantra is to intertwine your energies and to try to connect on a deep and cosmic level. Any sort of intimacy (whether physical or emotion), whilst struggling with the symptoms of IBD can provide you with a much needed lift so allow this time to inject you with positivity no matter the outcome.
Consider Using A Specialist
Here at Karma Tantric we provide tantric massage experiences for men, women and couples in London. If you are suffering from IBD and would like to explore receiving tantric massage from an experienced massage therapist, then please feel free to call us on 0207 898 3212 and speak to our friendly bookings team for more information. Also feel free to read about our tantric massages here.