Brendan Fallow is normal guy that has taken it upon himself to venture into the world of tantra and tantric massage. His mission is to investigate these topics and provide a unique perspective to those of us who need the cold, hard facts about tantra. | Read More
The Game Of Thrones prequel, whether or not Liverpool can ever truly topple Manchester City, podcast recommendations? There are lots of things men are likely to talk about when drinking with friends in the pub. What is incredibly unlikely to get talked about is premature ejaculation.
It might be 2019, a time when we’re all supposed to be woken and in touch with our feelings. But we’re also British, and so there’s more chance of us chatting mortgages, pension plans and even root canal surgery (you know – all the fun topics!) before we’d admit to premature ejaculation. Subsequently seeking help and advice on the topic from our friends is in the realms of darkness and impossibility.
Somewhat paradoxically, you will not be surprised to know that it’s a lot more common than you might think: some findings say almost one in three men suffer with premature ejaculatory conditions. Even though suffer is the operative word, chaps, you mustn’t beat yourselves up; there can be almost any reason behind it: excitement, biological reasons, guilt (hello, Catholics! Yes, genuinely – that puritanical upbringing can bite you on the backside), body image, depression and, crucially, conditioning.
If you masturbated as a teen (and who didn’t?), you may have conditioned yourself to ejaculate quickly and in an anxious state. That’s great to avoid getting busted in your bedroom by your folks last thing at night (there are some moments in life that you never truly get over). But you will be surprised to know that the knock-on effect can stay with you for years, seeded deep in your emotional sexuality.
However, fret not – there is help at hand in the very un-pub friendly topic of tantra.
The Sting in the Tale
The hack, lazy, go-to reference for tantra, is when multi-million record selling singer Sting, mentioned his alleged all-day tantric sex sessions. The press jumped on it and suddenly the rest of us heard about Tantra. But you certainly don’t need to be the lead singer of the Police – chiselled jaw, washboard abs and all – to enjoy the benefits of tantra. Tantra is something that, even though originated in ancient Indian traditions of spirituality, is used by many people, spiritual or not.
Using tantra exercises like tantric breathing can help you achieve ejaculation control and mastery. You may be surprised to find out that not only can tantra help you last longer in bed, but it can help across a range of other problems you might have. One of the most common issues men face is erectile dysfunction. Although those little blue pills seem to be most people’s go to remedy for this age old issue, tantric techniques have been proven to help.
If you are not sold yet, you will be interested to know that tantra is also used for those seeking an increase in self confidence, overcoming trauma and it can even help with the mortgage payments (OK, I made that last one up) but you get the idea.
However, before you book, you’ll want to know more. Tantric massage derives from an ancient Hindu practice(there’s possibly a reason why every Hindu you’ve ever met seems so at peace with everything) that goes back around 5,000 years. And, ultimately, it means the weaving and expansion of energy. Now, we’d recommend hitting Google (perhaps in private, granted) and finding a place for a proper tantric massage (this is a great place to start).
We would advise that you think of tantra as the tools to become a happier lover, to enable you to truly enjoy sex once again and, to quote Elsa from Frozen (an odd reference point for an article about tantric sex, and yet here we are), let it go. Remember your finest sexual moments? Were you panicked, rushing, under duress or feeling stressed-out? No, of course you weren’t. You were enjoying your finest work because you were, to use sporting parlance, in the zone. Indeed, tantra is about letting your sexual energy flow.
Let the healing begin
What is common, especially among stressed-out city folk, is that energy – and, crucially, sexual energy – can get pent-up; a combination of stress, pressure and, in some instances, a borderline desperation to pleasure our partner, can mean that sex is more of a sprint rather than a marathon. With tantra, the aim is for it to become the very opposite.
Now, a sprint is all well and good if you’re looking for short-term – and dare I say it, selfish – sexual relief. But it’s not so good for your partner (unless they’re in a hurry. In which case, well done!). And so learning more about tantric sex and enjoying a tantric massage can help alleviate those sexual blockages (sorry for saying “blockages” – that is not a sexy word).
Common feedback for those who have enjoyed lengthy tantric sessions is that you become much more relaxed in the bedroom. Instead of wanting to perform the sexual equivalent of unwrapping as many presents as possible on Christmas morning, you will be more inclined to take your time. It’s about savouring, being both in control and present in the moment.
What’s more, you’ll find the quality of your breathing will improve (deeper, more rhythmic breathing, rather than excitable puffing and panting), as will your passion levels and overall awareness of the body.
Savour the moment
By now, you might want to put some of these tips and tricks into practice, and so the next time you’re about to get amorous with your partner, just remember to take your time. We’d recommend standing in front of each other naked and just taking the time to appreciate one another. Also, try to replicate each other’s breathing so that your bodies become in sync.
Also, take time to touch and probe each other’s bodies with your hands. Think of this as the sexual ‘hors d’oeuvre’, rather than, as many of us do, diving straight in for the main course (which will then be all over before you realise. And, you’ll know, once you’ve wolfed down the main, you’re not really in the mood for pudding).
So if you now feel ready to book, perhaps put some time aside to do some research. And, as mentioned, here is a good place to start.
And remember: enjoy the journey.