Erica is the Editor of Karma Tantric Magazine and expert in all things Tantra & Tantric Massage. She specialises in helping men, women and couples unleash their sexual potential through her tantra teachings. | Read More
How To Get A Guaranteed Happy Ending Massage
Erica Suarez-Hillingdon shares her expert knowledge on how to get a safe and legal happy ending massage.
You’re lying face-down at the end of a sumptuous massage. Ohhh, you feel great. What a treat. What a gorgeous time. You’re a new person. But you know that there’s one thing that would make you feel even better, one little thing that would send you into a state of unparalleled bliss—an infamous happy ending.
The happy ending is the golden snitch of the erotic massage world: the elusive goal that brings everything shuddering to a beautiful halt. I can’t count the number of massages I’ve had across this wonderful world of ours, and I go into most of them secretly, wondering whether they will end with one of those holy treats.
People ask me, “Brendan, you dirty devil – are happy endings real?” I say, “Not only are they real, my friend, but I can also give you juicy tips on how to make them more likely to happen.” So, read on to find out my juiciest tips for guaranteeing yourself a happy ending massage.
Did You Know?: “While some people enjoy the experience of a purely happy ending massage, many prefer a sexual release in the form of a more spiritual practice known as tantric massage. This is what we offer at Karma Tantric.”
The benefits of a sensual massage
Now, before I even get into how you can get one of these mind-blowing experiences, it’s important to understand what you’re letting yourself in for. A sensual massage is about letting your body and mind go while your massage therapist takes you to absolute bliss.
It’s been known to make even the hardest men cry with joy, so what makes these delightful experiences so life-changing?
The physical benefits of happy-ending massages
Aside from the obvious advantage of a happy-ending massage, there are also some physical benefits that can improve your short and long-term health. Massage therapists know how to work your body, so don’t think they’re just pretty faces who can offer a happy ending.
Regular tantric massages can often result in:
Stress relief and relaxation
Let your worries pass, and enjoy slipping into a state of complete relaxation. It’s a well-known fact that massages can release endorphins and lower stress hormones (NCBI).
You’ll probably find that by the time it comes to the happy ending, you’re relaxed enough to enjoy every single second of it—and who wouldn’t want that?
Improved circulation and lymphatic flow
The techniques used in a happy-ending massage, such as long strokes and gentle kneading, can enhance blood circulation and lymphatic flow.
Improved circulation promotes the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to the body’s tissues and aids in the removal of toxins and waste products.
Pain reduction and muscle tension relief
A busy, active life often means you feel the stresses of the world on your shoulders. Have no fear, though, because a good massage will relax your muscles. A happy-ending massage takes all of the tension in your body and turns it into an erotic release of energy.
Trust me; you’ll never want a traditional massage again.
Mental and emotional benefits
So, you’ve had some sexual and physical healing, but what about your mind? Well, a happy ending massage also offers a lot of mental and emotional benefits.
Increased sense of well-being
A happy-ending massage can contribute to an increased sense of overall well-being. The combination of physical touch, relaxation, and sensual pleasure releases neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, which are associated with feelings of happiness and contentment.
Simply put, you’ll leave the session feeling relaxed and totally present.
Emotional release
That moment when your tension turns into a joyous erotic release is indescribable. There are no words that could possibly do it justice, so all I’ll say is it’s life-changing, and you’ll have to go back for more and more.
Boosted self-confidence
You’re completely naked for a happy-ending massage, which can be a daunting experience. However, as soon as the massage oil goes on and your stunning masseuse is working her hands over your legs and inner thighs, you’ll quickly let yourself go.
When you leave the massage, you’ll feel more in tune with yourself and energised to take on the world.
Enhance your sexual performance
Did you know premature ejaculation impacts around 20-30% of males? Research published by NCBI shows the issue is pretty common – even if people don’t like talking about it.
Sensual massages increase your blood flow, making it easier to get and sustain an erection. A few sessions, and you’ll never have to worry about being a letdown.
Did You Know?: “While the majority of people assume that happy ending massages are exclusively for men, plenty of women seek erotic massage services. At Karma Tantric, we offer massages for all genders and sexual orientations.”
How To Ask For A Happy Ending Massage
There are various rules that you need to be aware of before you shove open the doors of your nearest massage parlour and demand that they make you orgasm. You can’t do that. It’s frowned upon. Here are some guidelines…
Don’t Explicitly Ask For A Happy Ending
If it’s a regular massage parlour, don’t start by asking the therapist if it’s OK for them to give you a happy ending. They may well say no, and the rest of the message will consequently be more awkward than a DJ set by Theresa May.
Instead, treat it like any other social encounter: get a sense of how it’s going and only ask at the end if you’re confident that your masseuse a) won’t feel uncomfortable and b) isn’t a relative of yours.
Remember, the last thing you want is to create a potentially dangerous situation for the therapist, so read the room and be sure to check beforehand if the happy ending is included.
Always Carry Extra Cash
If you are offered a happy ending, it will always cost a little more unless you’re dealing with someone with incredibly bad business skills. Obviously, you can’t expect the happy ending to be part and parcel of the message unless you have agreed to it in advance.
It could be as little as £20 or as much as £100 and will depend on how generous you’re feeling at the time. Always carry extra cash if and when the time comes (and you come shortly after).
Respect The Boundaries Of Your Massage Therapist
Never touch the masseuse. Being non-consensually touched by a complete stranger can be highly intimidating to them, and doing something so forward is a bad idea. You should always be guided by their signals and wait for confirmation that something is all right. If they want you to touch them, they will tell you.
Use Subtle Language When Asking
Use soft, coded language. Ask how relaxed you’ll be by the end of the massage; if your masseuse says “Completely relaxed” and you pick up a sense of euphemism in their voice, you may be on to something.
Ask if you need to have the towel over you or not; you can be led by the responses you get. If the massage is entirely towel-free, your chances are looking pretty good.
Don’t Impose Yourself On The Masseuse
Don’t suddenly turn onto your back and make the masseuse uncomfortable by pointing at your erection (if you’re lucky enough to have one by that point). Instead, tell them you can tip generously if they make you happy.
They will either get the message and give you exactly what you want or ignore the implication if it has made them feel awkward.
Keep Your Composure Until You’re Sure
Don’t get so horny that you start humping the table. You will look like a fool. The only way things will go your way is if you conduct yourself with a little decorum and handle your emotions like an adult. Remember that you are not a dog.
The sight of you humping the table or thin air isn’t likely to make anyone feel warmer towards you. Instead, it will be a sign that you have crossed a line and don’t know how to behave in this situation. You want to come across as far cooler than this.
Where To Get A Happy Ending Massage
Now that you’re equipped with tips from an expert – arguably the world’s leading expert on the subject – you’re probably wondering where you can go to get a coveted happy ending. This is where you take things into your own hands, as it were, even though hopefully it will be someone else taking things into their hands.
There are places where you are far more likely to be escorted off the premises than given a hand job, so here are a few bits of advice on the establishments that might be more or less happy-ending-friendly than others.
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Physical Therapist – 1% Chance
It would take a pretty open-minded physical therapist to be happy to conclude a regular session with a handjob, however graciously it is requested. Unless you have reason to think otherwise, the numbers will not be in your favour in this scenario and you will be taking quite the risk by popping the question. You have roughly a 1% chance of getting what you’re after, I’m afraid.
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High-End Spas And Hotels – 10% Chance
Here, you may be more likely to be on holiday, the mood may be more relaxed rather than professional, and you may therefore be in with more of a chance. But, obviously, it will depend on the particular masseuse and your ability to charm them. Maybe one in ten times this will work.
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Massage Services – 30% Chance
Your chances aren’t hopeless here. A regular masseuse will know that people come to them with a glint in their eye and some extra cash in their wallet, and they may be keen to bend the rules a little bit by giving you a hand. Here I estimate you have a 30% chance of happiness.
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Asian Massage Parlor – 60% Chance
Well-known for having looser rules than traditional massage establishments, the Asian massage parlours the likes of which you see in Soho are far more likely to acquiesce to a cheeky request for a little something extra. Here, in my experience, you have a 60% chance of success. However, it’s worth noting that it can be risky to go to an erotic massage parlour in London.
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Tantric Massage Services – 100% Chance
Get a guaranteed happy ending with Karma Tantric. This is one of the only ways you can be guaranteed your massage will conclude with a happy ending. With a tantric massage, regular massage rules do not apply and you can ask for a happy ending without fear of being blacklisted or chased out of the room. In other words, your chances are 100%. Here you needn’t worry about mixed messages or running out of the building clutching your clothes to your privates. Just lie back, relax, and have a great time. Book your happy ending massage in London today.
Choose professional tantric massage therapists instead of walking into a massage parlour
Yep, getting a happy ending massage is really simple – if you do some research beforehand. Karma Tantric is an award-winning tantric massage provider based in London. They offer a range of full-body massages, including Asian massage, soapy massage and four-hand massages.
All of these can result in a happy ending, and their stunning therapists are known to take you to heaven and leave you there for hours after the session.
Better still, you won’t need to decipher any code language because you know what you’re getting before the session starts.
Book a Karma Tantric massage today
Booking an appointment with Karma Tantric can open up a world of pleasure, and you won’t have to worry about putting yourself at risk in a seedy parlour.
The fully professional happy ending services include being able to book an incall or outcall session and getting the VIP treatment.
Book today and finally see why VIP happy-ending massages are so popular.
KARMA TWEETS
This is excellent, thank you! It is nice to see the red flags and things to look out for when searching for your first happy-ending massage. I have never had an erotic massage but reading this piece has made things clearer in what seems to be quite a daunting industry. Great read!
Hello there Jay. I completely understand the difficulty in navigating the different massages and seeking out a reputable agency among the heaps available online. I would certainly recommend doing your research and follow the steps recommended by Brendan in the article. If you not already, please do take a look at some of our other blog posts posts to familiarise yourself with a Karma Tantric style massage. Good luck, Kelly x
Very interesting and witty article. Many years ago before I was (thankfully) pointed in the direction of Karma, I used to visit various massage parlors. I had quite a few embarrassing and uncomfortable experiences, luckily that is all in the past and now the only experience I have is professional, pleasurable and second to none. Don’t bother going any where else – L
Wow thanks! It’s great to read your amazing comments. We can’t wait to arrange another Karma experience for you sooner rather than later. Take care, Georgia x